Magic of new beginnings

Is culture shock a real deal?

Mon, 12 Oct 2026 12:12:42 GMT

Yes, yes, and yes! Culture shock is a real deal!

But first, let’s define what culture shock is.

It’s a phenomenon, a pattern in which a person has negative reactions on contact with another culture. It's not a superficial assessment or feeling as an outsider. It’s much, much more, and it shouldn't be underestimated. It’s about the strangeness of the new culture.

When we change cultural context, we lose all our familiar signs, symbols, and cues that we adopted while growing up and are as much a part of our culture as the language we speak. Cues can be words, gestures, facial expressions, and a million little things of daily life: what to say when we meet people, when to give tips, how to give tips, how to make purchases, when to accept invitations, what is rude, what is acceptable, and what is an absolute faux pas.

I experienced culture shock every time I moved to a new country; I also experienced it when I moved three times within the same country, although to a lesser extent.

The concept of culture shock, more specifically the U-curve of culture shock explained by Alex Matveev, can be applied to all my experiences when moving to other countries or within the same country. My degrees of adjustment went from being enchanted with the new surroundings to the stage when I felt uneasy and depressed before I felt good again.

The bottom of the U-curve wasn’t an easy place to be; feeling confused and frustrated by the new culture, I even started to feel hostility.

Experiencing cultural shock(s), I also experienced a kind of existential crisis where I questioned myself as a person. I liked to think of myself as a kind, non-judgmental, and empathetic person, open to new experiences, and here I was, grumpily complaining about new circumstances.

My coping strategies were always the same: lots of interactions, walking, and sport. Interactions with people, especially locals, help to feel like a part of society. Walking is my way of interacting with both people and architecture/the outside. Sport helps to reach instant happiness chemically, using your hormones instead of drugs. :)

Sweden proved to be the toughest; it was very hard to interact with locals. I set up my life in Sweden with my Swedish partner; I was convinced that it would be easier than in other countries. I was mistaken. :)

My partner has many social contacts and a family, but they interact in a way that I couldn't relate to in the beginning. It was nice to have someone to explain things firsthand, but the culture shock couldn't be avoided.

I used to think that if I prepared well, read books by local authors, and learned as much as possible about the culture I was coming to, there wouldn’t be any obstacles.

If I had known then what I know now, all this theory behind my feelings, it would certainly have been easier for me.

It can be a hard journey, but well worth the effort. After emerging on the other side of the U-curve, I felt like I had a part of the new culture within me, enriched and wider.

The #Swedengate Story

Mon, 05 Oct 2026 20:44:23 GMT

A cultural clash over dinner

What is #Swedengate? Or: how the Internet reacted to the Swedish dining tradition

#Swedengate became a trending topic after internet users discovered that Swedes often do not feed their house guests. This revelation sparked a heated online debate about Swedish hospitality.

The controversy began on Reddit, where a user asked: “What is the weirdest thing you had to do at someone else’s house because of their culture/religion?” One response stood out: a user recounted being asked to wait in a friend's room while the family ate dinner. This post quickly went viral, and the hashtag #Swedengate started trending on Twitter. Thousands of people shared their experiences, with many non-Swedes criticizing the practice and Swedes defending it.

Do Swedish people not serve food to their guests?

While it may seem surprising to many, not serving food to guests is a common practice in Sweden. This tradition is rooted in the desire to avoid disrupting the guest's own family dinner plans.

Linda Johansson explained in an op-ed for The Independent that Swedes prefer to eat with their own families and avoid interfering with the routines of others.

Many Swedes confirmed this tradition online, emphasizing that it is not about being inhospitable but about respecting the guest's family plans. One user tweeted that Swedes cook precise portions for their families and appreciate advance notice if guests will be joining them for a meal.

Another person explained that this practice shows respect for the visiting child's parents, who may have already planned dinner.

Family mealtime is considered an important part of the day in Sweden, and disrupting another family's meal is seen as inconsiderate.

Why was there outrage?

As the discussion gained traction, many users were offended by Swedes’ tendency not to serve their guests. Some believed that children, even if they are guests, should be fed in case they haven’t eaten all day.

One Twitter user questioned: “But why are you inviting children for a playdate without the thought that you NEED to feed them? Kids get tired and hungry after playing.”

Another person, raised in Stockholm to Persian parents, shared that their Swedish neighbor left them alone and hungry in her bedroom while she ate dinner with her family: “I had a good friendship with my Swedish neighbor FOR SEVERAL YEARS & every time I was at her house during dinner-time she would leave me ALONE in her bedroom NOT SAYING A WORD TO ME, left me alone for about 20-30 minutes while I sit upstairs with a hungry stomach.”

Others cited their own cultures as reasons never to leave a guest hungry. An Instagram account, @LoverofGeography, created a map highlighting which European countries are more likely to feed their guests. Scandinavian countries like Norway, Sweden, and Finland were marked as “very unlikely to give you food,” while Mediterranean countries like Italy, Spain, and Greece were deemed “almost always” likely to serve food to their guests.

Ethnologist Håkan Jönsson's explanation

Ethnologist Håkan Jönsson, one of the few experts on Swedish customs regarding food, was bombarded with questions. Were Swedes stingy?

Håkan Jönsson conducted a research project on the criticized custom, which helped him understand the particular significance of the main course in the context of a meal. This significance becomes clearer when looking at the unwritten rules surrounding meals and hospitality. For example, a friend who had been playing with the children for a couple of hours would be called down for dessert, rather than being invited to join the family for the main course. There was always coffee and snacks on offer; anything else would have been considered impolite.

The reason for not inviting the child's friend was based on respect for the family's integrity, not interfering with other families' habits or how they raised their children. Implicitly, it could suggest that the child might not get food at home if invited for dinner.

“Therefore, you didn’t send home a full child. There was a kind of unspoken respect for the other family's meal, especially between the mothers,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Culturally conditioned

He explains that the custom was one of the most common stories that emerged in the Culture Clash Cushion project conducted in 2013.

“It was perceived as the most odd – something you didn’t understand at all if you came from another culture,” says Håkan Jönsson.

The custom had never been properly researched, yet it offers an interesting window into mealtime practices, family life, unspoken social norms, and cultures in transition.

Before the summer, a questionnaire was sent out via the Folklife Archives to investigate the matter.

“Usually, 70 to 100 responses come in, but this time 400 responses came in within a week.”

The survey showed that many had experienced the phenomenon but had perceived it differently.

Different perceptions

“For some, it was very strange and unpleasant. Some said their parents didn’t want them to play with Swedish friends. It was sometimes perceived as rude or directly hostile not to offer food,” says Håkan Jönsson.

For others, it was nothing they thought about; it was just the way it was, or it was something exotic and cozy. They got the chance to look at their friend's toys or play computer games.

There could be practical reasons why a friend was not invited for dinner. Perhaps the dinner was planned for four people, or the table was too small.

"No free lunches"

But if you dig a little deeper, the custom reflects a strong emphasis on independence and avoiding obligations. As the saying goes, there is no such thing as a free lunch. Offering someone a meal can create a sense of reciprocity: if you feed someone else’s child, their family may feel that they owe you something in return. In that sense, not feeding another family’s child was a way of avoiding putting that family in your debt.

Long ago, there was another tradition that may help explain the Swedish coffee culture, according to Håkan Jönsson. Coffee could be offered spontaneously and casually when someone dropped by, but the same did not apply to dinner. There was no tradition of spontaneously inviting someone to stay for a cooked meal. When cooked food was offered, it was usually done under more formal and regulated circumstances.

“The origin of this is probably found in the storage culture. In the Nordic countries, it was necessary to produce food for twelve months within only four months, and then it was essential to keep a close eye on how the food was consumed,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Silent customs should be explained

If this hypothesis holds, the phenomenon of not inviting your child’s friend for dinner should exist in the other Nordic countries.

“It does, but now it was apparently time to be horrified over Sweden. It is also very convenient to criticize someone with such high self-esteem as Sweden has,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Customs often have more complicated explanations than Swedes being a bunch of stingy people. But that doesn’t stop many immigrant children from feeling they weren’t invited to eat because of their background.

“Obvious habits are rarely verbalized; you almost can’t. We need to get better at verbalizing silent customs – things we just do,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Surströmming for beginners

Thu, 01 Oct 2026 14:30:47 GMT

A simple guide to navigating the world's stinkiest food

What is surströmming?

Surströmming is an infamous Swedish delicacy made of fermented Baltic sea herring. The fish are caught in spring, then preserved in a series of salted water solutions for two months. After this initial process, they are transferred to airtight tins where they continue to ferment for up to a year.

This fermentation process is what gives the fish its famously strong smell and flavor. The name itself is a clue: "sur" means "sour" or "soured," and "strömming" is the Swedish name for Baltic herring.

Interestingly, for many years, a royal decree stipulated that the year’s batch could not be sold before the third Thursday in August. While this rule is no longer in place, that date is still celebrated as the official premiere day, particularly in Sweden's High Coast region, the birthplace of this unique tradition.

The story behind the stink

There are a few stories about how surströmming came to be, but the most likely reason is rooted in history. In the 1500s, salt was expensive and hard to come by, particularly during King Gustav Vasa's Rebellion. With limited salt for preservation, Swedes had to get creative. Fermentation proved to be a reliable, salt-free method of keeping fish edible for the long, cold winters.

This tradition, which started out of necessity, evolved into a source of cultural pride. While it's no longer a "poor man's food," it represents a connection to Swedish history and a more self-sufficient way of life.

How to pronounce surströmming

The word can look intimidating, but it's easier than it seems. Say it like this: "Sur-stroh-ming."

"Sur" sounds like the first part of "sir" but with a rounded, almost German "u" sound.

"Strömming" sounds like "strew-ming," with the emphasis on the "strew." The Swedish "ö" sound is similar to the "e" in the English word "her" but with your lips rounded as if you were about to whistle.

The surströmmingsskiva: a social event

In Sweden, eating surströmming is not something you do alone. It's a social activity, a community rite of passage. Many Swedes participate in a surströmmingsskiva (surströmming party) from the third Thursday of August through September.

This social aspect is a key part of the tradition, and it's a great way to understand a different side of Swedish culture. The collective effort of preparing the fish, assembling the sandwiches, and making it through the experience together is a bonding ritual in itself.

How to eat surströmming

If you're brave enough to try it, the key is to prepare it correctly. Here's a quick guide to a traditional surströmming meal.

Open the can outside. This is non-negotiable. The gases inside can cause the can to burst, and you don’t want that smell trapped indoors. The safest way is to submerge the can in a bucket of water before puncturing it.

Clean the fish. After opening the can, you'll need to gut and fillet the small herrings. This is often the most challenging part for beginners.

Assemble your meal. Surströmming is rarely eaten plain. It's served on a type of flatbread called tunnbröd, either soft or crispy. The most important part is the toppings, which are used to balance the strong, salty flavor.

Add toppings. Traditional accompaniments include boiled potatoes, finely diced red onion, sour cream, and fresh chives or dill. Many people find that a generous amount of these toppings is the only way to make the fish palatable.

Pair with drinks. To wash it all down, Swedes often drink cold beer and a shot of akvavit, a traditional Swedish spirit.

With the right preparation and the right mindset, surströmming can be a surprisingly complex culinary experience. It's savory and acidic, and while it might taste exactly as it smells to a beginner, enthusiasts insist the flavor is far richer and more nuanced.

Is it safe to eat?

Yes, surströmming is completely safe to eat. The fermentation process acts as a preservation method. Just be sure to check the expiration date on the can.

Trying surströmming is more than just tasting a weird food—it's an act of cultural immersion. It's about stepping outside your comfort zone, challenging your preconceived notions, and participating in a deeply rooted tradition.

So, if you're ever invited to a surströmmingsskiva, don't just run the other way. See it as an opportunity to connect with Swedish culture on a truly memorable (and smelly) level.

Who are Third Culture Kids?

Tue, 01 Sep 2026 06:37:25 GMT

Third Culture Kids are adaptable and understand different cultures well, but it can also be hard for them to feel like they truly belong anywhere.

Have you ever seen the movie "Call Me by Your Name"?

The main character, Elio Perlman, played by Timothée Chalamet, is a great example of someone called a "Third Culture Kid."

Third culture kids (TCKs) are people who grow up in a culture that's different from their parents' culture and the culture of their passport country.

Elio fits this perfectly. In the movie, he lives in Italy with his American father and Italian mother. He speaks English, French, and Italian fluently.

This mix of cultures can be amazing. Third Culture Kids often see the world from many different perspectives and can be really adaptable. But it can also be confusing. Elio sometimes feels like he doesn't quite belong anywhere. He switches between languages and cultures depending on who he's with, like trying on different hats; almost like having different personalities.

We see this in his relationship with Oliver, the American graduate student. Elio speaks English with him, but with his girlfriend Marzia, he speaks French and Italian. It's like he has different versions of himself for different people.

Even though "Call Me by Your Name" is about Elio's first love, a coming-of-age story, it also shows how his unique upbringing shapes who he is. As a Third Culture Kid, he's constantly searching for his place in the world, and that's a journey many Third Culture Kids can relate to.

The movie's director, Luca Guadagnino, might have had something to do with how Elio is portrayed. Guadagnino himself is a Third Culture Kid. Just like Elio, Guadagnino moved around a lot as a kid, living in Ethiopia, Rome, Palermo, Milan, and London.

Guadagnino explains that being a filmmaker is partly about understanding what shapes you as a person. He tries to imagine what it would have been like to experience his own childhood in all these different places, and that inspires the complex stories he tells.

If you ask any Third Culture Kid, they'll tell you that it's like having many different selves inside you. You learn to pick the one that best fits the situation, kind of like an actor playing a role. It's a way to connect with people, even if it feels a little fake sometimes.

In the 1950s, a sociologist named Ruth Useem came up with the term "Third Culture Kid" for kids who move around a lot overseas while growing up. These kids' parents might be diplomats, military, or work for other countries. They often go to international schools where they meet kids from all over the world. This creates a special kind of culture that mixes elements from many places.

Third Culture Kids are adaptable and understand different cultures well, but it can also be hard for them to feel like they truly belong anywhere. Their experiences are unique and can be hard for others to relate to, even though they feel comfortable connecting with almost everyone.

In her book "Sidewalks," Valeria Luiselli, who grew up moving around a lot with her diplomat parents, talks about the struggle of finding home. Even though she picks Mexico as her country, she admits it's more of a sarcastic choice than a real feeling of belonging. She admits she’s never felt true allegiance to anywhere she’s lived, and she just knows she'll keep roaming from place to place.

Writer Pico Iyer has spent a lifetime examining feelings of cultural crisscrossings. In his book "The Global Soul," he explores the crisscrossings that take place within.

Unlike others who focus on the struggles of moving between cultures, Iyer found a sense of calm by accepting that "home" wasn't a place, but rather the things you love.

He explains: "Growing up with a mix of cultures, I realized I could define myself by what I cared about, not where I was born."

While he might never fully belong to any one culture, this freedom allowed him to build his identity on his own terms. He describes it as both challenging and liberating. Without a clear-cut "home" based on location, he had to focus on his values, close relationships, and the things that truly mattered to him.

Some Third Culture Kids, like writer Pico Iyer, find peace by focusing on their personal passions and connections, realizing "home" isn't a place but a feeling built over time.

Others, like Barack Obama, embrace their ability to connect across cultures. Obama's memoir "Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance" explores the challenges and freedom of belonging to many places, and ultimately finding a sense of belonging in the space between them.

This "in-between" space is where Third Culture Kids can truly shine. They can see the world from many angles, understand different cultures, and bridge divides. Leaders like Obama, with their mixed heritage and ability to consider multiple perspectives, show the strength that comes from this unique experience.

In a world that can be suspicious of globalism, Third Culture Kids show us the power of connection and understanding that comes from growing up between cultures.

Lonely in Sweden

Wed, 01 Jul 2026 07:15:28 GMT

For someone who is an extrovert on the verge of a clinical diagnosis (not my words ��), Sweden is a place where you must discover your introverted side.

Sure, I heard all these stereotypes about Scandinavian coldness and loneliness, but before that, I lived and worked in Germany, and I was sure that I had cracked the Germanic social codes.

I've arrived in Sweden eager to build a life, a community, a place to call home. I joined online groups, smiled at neighbors, shared fika with colleagues, did all the textbook moves. I did everything I used to do in my homeland and in other countries.

Yet, for the first time in my life, I felt very lonely.

Forget smiling at random passers-by, cheerfully calling your neighbors, and spontaneous conversation on public transport - in fact, make sure you don't sit next to someone if you have enough free space to put your bag next to you. Because your bag will be your only friend at the beginning. ��

This isn't just my experience. Statistics paint a stark picture: foreigners in Sweden often report feeling lonelier, isolated from the close-knit circles Swedes seem to have. Lots of internationals find themselves surrounded by friendly faces, but struggle to crack the inner circle.

I suddenly understood why it was a recurring theme in all the Swedish courses I attended: how and where to meet Swedes? I found it a bit irritating at first: are Swedes unicorns, some elusive mythical creatures? Many immigrants will tell you they are.

Is it you, or is it them?

Is Swedish friendliness a myth, or is there a deeper cultural undercurrent at play?

This "Swedish coldness" is a well-worn topic in expat forums and academic circles. The country consistently ranks low in surveys on making friends as an expat. Looking at sunnier climes – Mexico, Brazil, all Mediterranean countries – it seems like warmth isn't just geographical, but social too.

Professor Åke Daun identifies a clear separation between public and private spheres in Swedish culture.

Swedes can work with someone for years without ever stepping foot in their home, a concept baffling to many outsiders. This "work friends" concept adds a layer of complexity. Your friendly colleagues might not be your off-the-clock companions.

There's no magic formula to find friends in Sweden.

It's not about becoming "Swedish," but finding those who enrich your life and share your passions.

It's about fika, lunch and brunch dates, community events, putting yourself out there, brick by emotional brick, building a place where you belong.

Recent research offers a surprising twist: Brülde and Fors suggest that Swedish individualism might actually foster stronger friendships.

Swedes, free to choose their inner circle, prioritize quality over quantity, making each friendship a deeper commitment.

Perhaps the loneliness we feel isn't a reflection of Swedish coldness, but a facet of their approach to connection.

It might be slower, more deliberate, but no less meaningful. Friendship in Sweden might be a slow dance, but the final embrace could be all the sweeter; you could find your ride-or-die friend here.

So: Is it you? Is it them? Is it a matter of culture?

It’s a combination of all that, but it’s mostly you.

Swedes are not elusive mythical creatures; they live by unwritten cultural rules and codes, just like you and me. But at the end of the day, “everyone is a world”, as their famous poet Gunnar Ekelöf would say.

“In every soul thousands of souls are trapped,

In every world thousands of worlds are hidden”

And it’s up to you to discover it all.

Why not to brag in Sweden

Mon, 01 Jun 2026 07:36:56 GMT

Jantelagen: the unwritten rule that keeps the Swedes humble (and maybe a little stifled?)

I have a competitive nature: if I'm playing a quiz or a sport, I'm playing to win.

I liked to think that this was a positive character trait: if I lose, I have no negative feelings; I simply do my best in any competition. Of course, it's important to enjoy yourself, but isn't it even more fun to win?

After I arrived in Sweden, I soon started learning Swedish. I was delighted with the concept (Swedish for academics, if you are looking for a good course), and I would often say to my Swedish partner: "I wrote the test the best!" or: "I knew all Bergman's films on the quiz!"

My partner did not really share my delight. Once, tired of my self-praise, he said: "Do you think it has nothing to do with the fact that everyone else is at least 20 years younger than you?" (*mic drop)

I didn't understand it then, but now I do: in Sweden, people simply don't brag.

To understand why you should not brag in Scandinavia, we need to address the social norm that is almost a social unwritten rule: a concept of Jantelagen, also known as the Law of Jante.

Yes, Scandinavian society is a society where bragging is a bigger faux pas than forgetting to greet the neighbour. That's kind of the vibe with Jantelagen. It's a set of unwritten rules, not actual laws, that emphasizes modesty, equality, and keeping your head down.

Coined by Danish-Norwegian author Aksel Sandemose in his 1933 novel "A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks," Jantelagen boils down to this: don't think you're better than anyone else.

What does this mean in everyday life?

Well, Swedes tend to be pretty low-key. Loud talking or boasting about your achievements is a surefire way to raise eyebrows. Think "concealed carry confidence," not "look-at-me" loud. The focus is on the collective good, so while individual success is great, don't expect a parade in your honor.

Now, for everyone coming from more individualistic cultures, this can be a bit of an adjustment. Jantelagen might feel like a constant game of downplaying your awesomeness. But here's the thing: Jantelagen also fosters a strong sense of community and equality. Everyone's on the same playing field (think IKEA furniture – all those flat packs, no divas!). This can be a great thing for social harmony and creating a society where everyone feels like they belong.

Jantelagen today: Relic of the past or still relevant?

Jantelagen's grip on Swedish society has loosened in recent years. Globalization and the rise of entrepreneurship have pushed Swedes to embrace their inner showman a bit more. But the core values of modesty and togetherness are still very much alive.

So, is Jantelagen outdated? Not necessarily. It's a reminder that there's a fine line between healthy self-confidence and obnoxious boasting.

For those of you coming to Sweden, embrace the Jantelagen spirit – be kind, be humble, and maybe avoid the office karaoke unless you're really good. But don't be afraid to shine either! Swedes appreciate a good talent; just maybe share the spotlight with your equally awesome colleagues.

Remember, Jantelagen is more of a cultural guideline than a rulebook. Think of it as a way to understand the Swedish psyche and navigate social situations smoothly.

With a little understanding and a dash of your own cultural flair, you'll be fitting right in with the fika crowd in no time. If you want to.